Massive headache right now. Fighting with my emotions. Ugh!Cant stop biting my lips. Like a bad habit you start but dont mean to...& the only way to break it is to brush my lips and reapply gloss. Ok ok so I'm rambling. I dont mean to but I'm trying not to talk about what I really came here to talk about.
I love HER. But does SHE love ME??
Always ALWAYS ALWAYS SECOND BEST.
Good enough to be the friend that you have sex with, the one you lay with when there is no one else. The one you call when your all alone && you cant get to sleep. Yep that's me the Good Ole' friend.
Am I fooling myself?? Is she just a good friend. Am I the one that's wrong?? Everyday I go back and fourth with myself dont know what to do...to stay or go. I know that I cant just be her friend. I know that I want more. But she values me as a friend she feels she can count on...should I punish her for not feeling for me what I feel for her?? I'm so confused.
This person, my friend. Wants me to start a family, build a family with her...not promising any committment..but instead to be there as another parent to my child(ren). Does she just see me as a person to carry out her paternal needs?? Her desires. Why build a family or plan to build a family with someone you havent even decided to be with??
How will I feel when she settles down with someone else and builds a family with them?? What, then, will be my purpose??
I'm rambling on and on because if you've ever been looked over, felt like the rebound, the backup plan...you know how I feel. When will it be my turn...does it even exist when it comes to SHE&I?? I dont know what to do or how to feel && have been struggling with these emotions for quite sometime now. I try to relax && let things happen but after vowing last year after I cried my last tear (or so I told myself) I would keep it moving && never look back =(
And now look at where I am...right where I started...back in the rut..
Stupidly INlove with HER*
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