So in my quest to regain composure, learn who I am as a woman I decided to take the pressure off of me to have sex. Yep I said it I willingly gave up sex ON My OWN. I just felt that people dont value themselves as much as they value sex and in order to fully know my worth I decided to abstain from it. Born again virgin lol I use to laugh at them until I became one smh. So here's how I see it..to weed out the bs I get from guys who are only there for one thing but dont want to come out and say it telling them I am not sexually active and waiting until I get married will show their real colors and they wont be around for long; I did however run into a guy who was like "what!!" "why?" "It's too late you already have a kid" smh..poor him I told him I wasnt for him but he insisted until I blocked him smh..some ppl just got get it. So desperate they will try to talk me into it by telling me I made the wrong decision. Oh well.
Anyway it has been a difficult process only because when I say something and mean I stick to it. Before I fully understood what celibacy was I thought I was doing it correctly, you see I dont sleep around if I'm not in a relationship I am not having sex..but while I wasnt in a relationship I would masturbate; only after joining church did I learn that behavior was unacceptable. "What!!' no masturabation are you kidding me!! What do I do with these feelings these urges..surpress them... In the beginning it was difficult everytime i felt the urge I would just go to sleep, or try to pray that God take the urge away but after discussing it with someone who went to my church they told me not to ask God to take the urge away because he might take it away for good so I stopped. With each passing day it became easier and easier..I got the hang of it now.
Havent had sex since July 4th.2009 (w/ the EX) No oral, no masturabtion ..NOTHING. How do I feel about it?? I love my decision, I feel like sometimes sex gives the false impression that you love or are in love with someone which is far from the truth...You know how u can LOVE someone's sex and hate them..that's why you only get along when your getting it on smh (me & the ex). Sex complicates things, people allow their infatuation, sexual attraction get the best of them before fully getting to know someone. Think about it..how long can you get to know someone, how long will you interact with someone knowing your not going to have sex?? Many people will tolerate someone just so they can have sex, meaning he will take her out to eat, spend all day at the mall with her knowing he hates shopping just because he is going to have sex at the end of the day..But could or would he do it if he werent?? If there were other women out there he could have sex with would her still bother with her ?? Exactly.
My point is with me and my personality you either love it or you hate it but if you can put up with it ..court it, date it, love it, engage & marry it..you deserve my good. Very few men will even place themselves in this predicament because it would be a waste of time if they were after "one" thing && furthermore if it's just the "one" thing he is after ...he can get it from anyone else without having to marry me..so why would he play that game?? I believe I have weeded out alot of the bs while getting to know me, allowing the other person to see who I am without the false illusion sex can give and love and value who I am and what qualities I possess that have absolutely nothing to do with the bedroom. Hey it's not for everybody but it works for me. Learning self control is something I must say I am proud of..not rushing into anything allowing my body to fully recooperate from the touches, the kisses, the feelings my ex provided...leaving no memory of what it felt like to be with them allows for new experiences and no comparison with my future. A cleansing of sorts :o)
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