With Love Mimi....

#nowplaying: "All I Have" -Amerie

So much on my mind, it's really crazy.  I have no idea where to even begin..Exes have been on my mind probably because it's the Spring and something about spring motivates people to try to come back into your life, motivates people to reach out..trust me I know because most of them have.  When I sit and think about all the tears, heartbreak..how hard it was to get over each of them, I know it's possible.  This song kind of reminds me of them all bunched together I gave and tried my best but we were all in different places and wanted something the other could not provide.  All the lessons I have learned..gone but never forgotten..they each have special places in my heart, special memories that we shared most of the pictures don't exist anymore, deleted, thrown away, numbers changed..mostly on my part. 

I'll review my past and my lessons..just to get it out of my head & off my brain..

A taught me what being loved felt like but also taught me how to recognize a liar...

L taught me what crazy was, that's it's not ok to put your hands on people and that older people can be manipulative.  L also taught me how to step outside the box, what it was like to live with a person, love a person what a real relationship was.

M taught me that I could be a provider, my generous side came out, I loved all the things M wasn't and in turn M cheated..M taught me how to walk away from something that wasn't good for me and to never look back and I never did.

#21 taught me to try new things, step out on faith, my first long distance relationship, proved me right about them not working but taught me that I could be faithful, I got to travel to see #21, I knew what it was to miss someone.  #21 also taught me to pay attention because when the usual somehow switches up to something different that's what it is && that's what it was. First time I actually caught someone cheating on me.  #21 also showed me a pattern that was used on me && all those after me..that I HAVE to be in a relationship person who jumps from one to the next to the next YET always holding on to the past && trying to find a way to get back..I'm just glad I never allowed #21 BACk into my life.

Eyes taught me it's possible to have a relationship with someone who has kids. Taught me there are a few good peple out there..BUT that they weren't one of them.  My reservations with people with children has nothing to do with the children instead it has to do with the relationship with the other parent.  Caught Eyes in bed w/the other parent..walked away & never looked back

D taught me that the "safe" ones aren't so safe, secretly they play that role but not just with you with everybody. D taught me to expect the unexpected no other lesson other than that....

A came back && taught me people will NEVER change..&& if they do it will be evident in their lifestyle not just their talk..so I WALKED...& kept walking 

C taught me to be friends first..also taught me that people are different when you're friends and when you are involved with the person.  C taught me that friends first can lead to misconceptions,that the person who know's all your weaknesses will play on them.  That it's harder to walk away when you've invested years in a person but that no amount of years will make it work.  C taught me that I needed to place more value in myself, that I was worth more than the way C treated me.  C taught me that it's possible for a person to love your child as if they were their own, that's the most valuable lesson C could ever teach me, the way C loved my daughter, the relationship C had with my daughter was something I loved and adored && valued but C taught me that just because someone cares for your child doesn't mean you have to be with them..doesn't mean you have to allow them to treat you any kind of way.. C taught me that no matter how many times I tried && failed @ walking away ..that it was still possible && that's what I did leaving the remains of a failed friendship, a failed partnership along with pieces of my heart behind..

I've learned so many lessons from all of my experiences, what I want, what I refuse to accept and that it's possible to walk away.  At the times where the relationships came to an end..I cried & I cried..I felt so weak and hurt not knowing that in all my weakness I was strong enough to let go ..not realizing that as I was crying I was steady walking in the opposite direction.. I don't regret anything because I gave "All I Had To Give." 

Lesson Learned: What you're willing to Walk Away from will determine what You will walk into.

with love,

                                                                                          Mimi