Is it over yet??

Nearing the finish line...
or am I??
I know there is a couple more laps left that I refuse to run.
Finished with the race.
To be honest, I guess the only reason I was still running was because there was nothing better for me to do.
Wanted to feel apart of something even if that something was nothing.
I'd make it to the finish line to relinquish my newfound title and move on to the next. Because although I hate to admit it...maybe it's a game within myself I've been playing.
I dont trust her..I want to..but deep down inside because she is a liar by OMISSION..
there is nothing I couldve done with her anyway.
My insecurities will never allow me to love her how I want to
Fooling myself into thinking it would be ok
I'd try && see where it went..
Ever get that sick feeling in your stomach
when your nearing the end
and it's like a withdrawl
I feel that now.
I'm not scared anymore
I'm embracing the change
Letting go
tomorrow isnt promised so I'll love her today and for everyday I wake up after...I'll love her alittle less, till it's a mere memory no longer associated with a feeling. How could I feel so strongly for someone who was never mime to begin with. Shit sounds so crazy..even saying it now. Was i confused?? unable to decipher the feelings I had for her as a friend...did I want a "relationship" love so bad I fell for the first person to cross my path?? In love with the thought of being [IN]love? I wonder...then again...I dont. What does it matter. I'm tired of feeling how I feel most days, and wondering all the rest. Gonna go wrap my hair, get in the shower...grab a glass of water and dream about who I will be, how I will feel, weeks, months, years from now if I am so blessed. Dont know what to make of what this nothing was..so I'll just let it be exactly what is was..NOTHING