TRAPPED*

You out smarted me, I feel like the foolish person I am. This blog may not even make sense but I dont even care. I'm going to just be ME, I'm going to ALLOW my emotions to wash over me and take for in the blog.

You said you were my friend. Naw, you couldnt have been. A REAL friend would not manipulate my feelings for their own selfish benefits. No a gun wasnt needed, but given my emotional state and your inablility to offer me I wanted still consuming my r[Emotions]ources, my intimacy. When I cried to my "friends" and told them of my situation they encouraged me to let you go, and being as though you claimed to be my friend...I wouldve thought you would have done the same. But not so much! Trapped, force to remain civil towards you, wishing to dismiss you from my life but I cant because of Kennedy you have to remain relevant in some sense. That's the only place for you. I dont consider you a friend. I feel USED. I'm not what you wanted!! Yet you continued to have sex with me KNOWING how I am, Knowing that I wanted more. I want to scream out loud but I cant...gotta keep it on the inside. Im tried of talking, your mouth just moves...you try to rationalize everything. I DONT LIKE YOU. I CANT EXPLAIN HOW I FEEL, AND YOU'D NEVER SEE IT FOR WHAT IT REALLY IS. I DONT WANT YOUR FRIENDSHIP. YOU WILL NEVER BE A FRIEND TO ME. FUCK YOUR SHOULDER. AND YOU THINK IM IRRATIONAL THAT I'M TOO IMMATURE TO TALK ABOUT WHATS GOING ON. I DONT HAVE TO LISTEN TO YOUR BULLSHIT AND I WONT. YOU ARENT IN MY SHOES SO YOU CANT ONLY JUDGE ME ON MY REFUSAL TO GIVE YOU WHAT YOU WANT. YOU WILL NEVER SEE ME CRY, I DONT WANT YOU ARMS TO HOLD ME CLOSE, YOU ARE A LIE. A FRAUD, A FRAUD A FRAUD A FRAUD. YOU PRETEND. GO DO THAT WITH SOMEONE ELSE. YOU DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE ME. AND I'M TIRED OF LOVING YOU. I ALLOWED YOU TO TRAP ME. YOU THINK YOU CAN DO ME ANYWAY YOU WANT AND I CANT GET AWAY. IM STUCK WITH YOU. YOU SHOW ME EVERYDAY WHY I SHOULDNT WANT YOU, WHY YOUR NOT GOOD FOR ME. WHY I DONT NEED YOU. HOW I DESERVE SOMEONE BETTER. I DONT HAVE TO BE CORDIAL TO YOU. YOUR A BAD DREAM I WISH I COULD WAKE UP FROM. I LIED. I DONT TRUST YOU. NOT WITH MY LIFE...NOT WITH MY HEART. THERE IS SOMETHING WE HAVENT DONE THAT I WANT TO DO...OFFICALLY PART WAYS FOR GOOD. WISH K WASNT STUCK IN THE DAMN MIDDLE..BUT FUCK..IT IS WHAT IT IS. WHEN I THINK OF YOU I THINK MISTRUST. YOU BEEN DOIN YOU AND FUCKIN ME. FUCK YOU. FUCK THEM...FUCK YOU. DONT COME BACK TO ME. DONT COME BACK TO ME. YOUR SELFISH. SO VERY SELFISH. I ALLOWED YOU INTO MY LIFE, YOU GOT ENOUGH FRIENDS, I DONT WANT TO BE ONE TO YOU....I REFUSE TO DO ANYTHING FOR YOU. I DONT WANT SHIT FROM YOU...NOTHING, NOT A HUG, NOT A KISS, NOT A CONVERSATION, NOT A LETTER, NOT A TEXT, NOT A PHOTO, NOT YOUR MONEY, I DONT THINK YOU HAVE A HEART..BUT IF YOU DID..IT AINT WORTH SHIT. HELL YEAH I'M MAD. YOU DAMN USER, YOU FUCKIN ABUSED YOUR PRIVILEDGES. YOU TOOK MY EMOTIONS AND RAN WITH THEM. I HOPE THEY ARE WORTH IT.